Do you have that one friend?

You know the one I’m talking about. The one that always complains and whines about everything, from airport delays to food service to his job. You’ve not heard him say anything good in a long time. Anything you bring up in a conversation is met with a barrier of scepticism. I’ve got a few friends like that, and I once asked one of them about their attitude. His response was that he’s been through a hard life and he’s known hardship that I couldn’t even imagine, and so the scepticism and cynicism are necessary walls of self-defence.

Absolute and utter bullshit.

Don’t believe what these people are saying for one second. No matter how hard one person’s life is, there are always a hundred people somewhere in the world who have it harder than they do. Heck, considering the economic state of the world, the famine crisis in Somalia, and the natural disasters sweeping through so many parts of the earth, you could bump that number up to a million and still be accurate.

And secondly, strength isn’t about showing your scars to everyone and attempting to impress people with how much you’ve been through. That’s showmanship. Strength is holding your head high with a smile on your face after you’ve been through hell, knowing that you survived it and you came out a better person. It’s knowing that you’ve dealt with something so severe, and now you can deal with 99% of what life throws at you without batting an eyelid.

When people claim that hardship made them bitter, remember this: hardship made them stronger. THEY made themselves bitter.

You don’t need to surround yourself with showmanship. It does nothing for you, and in fact witnessing the constant never-ending drama is exhausting. Cut them out of your life, and surround yourself with people who are positive. Positive energy is beautiful in the sense that it multiplies when you share it. I made the change a few years back and I was amazed at how much of a difference it made in my life. Now whenever I see negativity around me, I move to cut it off.

So if you’re one of my friends and you’re wondering why I suddenly unfriended you on Facebook, now you know.

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Productivity is a good thing. More productivity = better.

That’s what we’re taught. And here in this blog, I preach the same message. I talk about squeezing every possible minute out of your day, and about maintaining your peak efficiency for as long as possible to get as much done. I talk about keeping a clear view of your goals and objectives to motivate you through the hard days and prevent you from slacking.

Today I’m going to talk about why I stress so much on productivity. Growing up in an Asian country, it’s a common thing to see businessmen running around getting deals pushed, contracts made, and ideas sold. Sadly I’ve also noticed many times that these people are still working while gobbling down a quick dinner, or while they’re driving, or even while they’re half asleep.

I told myself when I grew up, I wasn’t going to be like that. I instead preferred to look at how the Buddhist monks view life. Every moment of life is precious, whether or not you gain something from it. Every breath you take is a miracle, whether or not you are aware of it. I found that on the occasional moments where I stopped to smell the roses, I was amazed at how beautiful the world is around me. And that’s what I aim for nowadays. I want to squeeze every last drop of productivity from my working hours, so that I can completely immerse myself into the moment when I’m not working. I want to slowly savour the flavours of the food I’m eating. I want to enjoy the sound of running water. I want to enjoy the company of the people around me, and truly listen to what they’re saying, and help them in any way I can.

And that is the point of my unusually short post today (this post sounds a little weird when I read it back to myself, but I think it’s partly because I’m not used to writing short articles. Hopefully this gets better soon). Connecting with the moment that you’re in is as important as getting everything done, because at the end of the day, life, and the living of it, should be your ultimate goal.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I shall go enjoy a nice relaxing nap.

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I came across this video a while back. It’s a story about two mothers dealing with their individual tragedies during the 911 attacks in USA, and how they reached across an unspeakably large divide to connect with each other. I always meant to share it with you guys, but somehow the right context never showed up. I’m still not sure this is it, but the video got me thinking about my take on forgiveness.

Memory lane is a rocky road.

Around that time, I happened to come across someone from my childhood. Most of you won’t know this, but during my childhood, I was somewhat of a victim of bullying. I say somewhat because in hindsight, my case wasn’t nearly as bad as that of other children that I’ve read about, but nevertheless there was a lot of pent-up hate in me. Anyway, I came across one of the bullies, now grown up and taking a class with me in college. He recognized me, and after a few awkward glances, came over and introduced himself. He then stunned me by apologizing for all that he had done when he was younger.

I have to admit, I was torn between forgiving him, and wanting to see how many times I could kick him in the nuts before someone pulled me off of him. Reluctantly, I chose the former. We said our niceties and I went home after class. At home, I realised that I was still thinking about the bullying, and that meant that I’d yet to truly let it go. Deciding to try a different approach, I closed my eyes, recalled every bad memory I had of being bullied, and let it go. No fuss, no drama. I just let it float out of my chest.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably expecting a nice fluffy paragraph of how I felt lighter, and I smiled more, etc. Heck no. What I got was an adrenaline rush that lasted 22 hours and a permanent grin on my face. Crazy, right?

Wait, what?

I’m not making that up, I swear. And when you sit down and think about it, it makes perfect sense. Forgiveness is a three-part scenario. The part we’re most familiar with is the 2^nd part, where the burden of our negative emotions and grudges lift, and we become more peaceful. But there’s the 1^st part which I think is even more important, and it can be summed up like this:

Whether or not you choose to forgive someone is your decision. The POWER to make that choice lies with you.

You have to choose to forgive someone before you can forgive them. And being aware of that choice, that simple yet profound state of being, gives you the power to gather all your hurt and pain and cast it aside. Someone else may have inflicted this pain on you, or caused you to develop these emotions, but it is by your hand and your will that they are cleansed.  This, my dear reader, is the amazing power of pre-forgiveness.

And then what?

Ah, now there is that void where the hurt used to be, the great expanse of neutral land in your heart where your grudges used to fester. This is where post-forgiveness comes in.  You can choose to gloat in victory, to celebrate your magnanimity. You can choose to continuously remind yourself of this day, where you were a better person in the face of all that hurt and pain.

Or, like Phyllis and Aicha in the video above, you can use that power to reach out and touch someone. You can inspire someone to let go of their own hurt and pain. You can inspire someone else to forgive. Even if you don’t understand what they’re going through at all, you can send them a message saying “Forgiveness isn’t weakness. It’s strength. And you have the potential to be strong.”

And that, after much rambling, is my message to you. So go forth and be strong.

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Not today.

To those of you who have enjoyed my blog and wondered about the dearth of content for some time, I must apologize. I could spout the various financial, career, medical, and social reasons for why I’ve been absent, but suffice to say my life, my work, and myself have gone through a major overhaul in this past-half year and some.

I will freely admit that my time management and scheduling skills are far from sturdy. I get highly motivated by planning out my time, and for the first few days I manage to get things done perfectly. Then life steps in, with its blasted interruptions, and my fragile hold on my time shatters. I go through a period of scrambling to put the pieces together, then I abandon those tasks I planned earlier and I create a new set, freshly motivated once more. It’s not a cycle that I am proud of, but it is one that I have come to accept.

This time I’m getting back on the wagon with a slightly different approach. Doubtless I am still going to make those tasks, and naturally the world will toss some inevitable disruptions my way, but instead of fretting about it, I am going to take it one step at a time. And for me, that includes writing a completely unplanned, unresearched, and unpolished post every once in a while. Sitting here right now, it’s a somewhat unnerving feeling, as I’m not exactly sure what to write. But I do know this, and it’s something I want to share with anyone who has felt the depression that falling off the wagon will bring:

There is nothing wrong in failing. There is nothing wrong in hitting rock bottom. There is nothing wrong in falling off the wagon, and having your entire life crumble around you while the world speeds past you. What IS wrong is not trying again. What IS wrong is not getting up after you hit rock bottom. What IS wrong is not picking up the pieces and rebuilding your life.

You only lose when you stop trying to win. And because of this, I know that even though I haven’t won yet, I will never lose. And I hope that I’ve inspired you to never lose, either.

Here’s to another round on the wagon. Cheers.

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You. Yes, you. Reading this right now. Do you know someone awesome? Your mother who can handle a full time job and still make time to bake heavenly pies for the church sale? your colleague who seems to be able to juggle every task he has, remembers every detail about a project even from months ago, and still has the leisure to flirt on Facebook? well i want you to know this: I know someone awesome too.

You.

I don’t know what you look like, what language you speak, or what you work as, but i know that you are awesome. That’s because inside every one of us is the potential to move mountains and build great empires. I think you are capable of great things. You are capable of rebuilding homes for earthquake victims, or for contributing to ending world hunger and conflict. I think you are also capable of small things which are no less great. You are capable of changing someone’s life for the better, you are capable of cheering.someone up after a horrible day at work.

You are also capable of great things in your own life. Within you lies the strength to overcome any addiction. Within you lies the strength to achieve goals beyond your wildest dreams. Within you lies the power to build megastructures, execute the most complex of dances, and perform brain surgery.

That power within you is so intense, so unpredictable, and so powerful, that it is only fitting to call you a walking, talking bomb. In fact, there are only two differences between you and an actual bomb. The first, is that unlike a bomb which consists of purely destructive energy, your energy can be completely constructive and positive. And the second, is that unlike a bomb that only goes off once and then ceases to exist, you can explode and impact the world around you countless times in your life.

You, my friend, are the bomb.

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What is a design mindset?

Like many things in the design lexicon, ‘design mindset’ is a term that is very much open to interpretation. I can probably tell you that if you ask me what a design mindset is, I would give you a different answer 3 years ago than I would have today, and 3 years down the road my answer would be completely different again. Even while searching the web for some reading material while writing this post, I came across completely different ideas regarding design thinking and the design mindset. I can only hope to give you my version of it, and to hear yours.

A design mindset is a way of thinking that continuously evolves, changes, and adapts. It is based on a series of principles most commonly found and practiced in the design industry (thus earning it its name), but is not exclusive to the design industry. The main points of design thinking can be summarized as follows:

1) Practicing a methodology that involves identifying the problem, issue, or question at hand, and approaching it from various perspectives.

2) Allowing any idea, regardless of quality, to appear on the table before it is judged.

3) Taking risks with approaches and solutions that have never been applied or attempted before.

4) Continuously striving to improve upon a current situation or condition, in an endless cycle.

How is a design mindset important in my life?

An excellent question. In fact, promoting design thinking in daily life is one of the main reasons I started this blog. A design mindset is important in your life because your life is a product of your design. Just like your car, or your clothes, your life is the result of the various choices, improvements, and mistakes that you have made so far. But most people don’t realize this and allow their lives to run on autopilot, just leaving it as it is. But think about it: if Nike had let their products remain as they were, the World Cup would have been played in t-shirts and sandals. Implementing design thinking into your life will allow you to continuously improve your quality of life, as well as to critically and objectively analyze your life, to find areas in which you can become a better person.

So what principles of design thinking can be used in daily life? I’ve listed 8 that I try my best to live my life by, but take note that these are far from an exhaustive list, and even within these 8 I bet opinions are going to differ.

There is no limit to learning.

I’ve encountered it in hundreds of people, yet it still bewilders me each time I do so: meeting a person who thinks his/her learning days are over once he/she reaches a certain age. A person can spend his entire life learning new things, and yet he/she will never reach omniscience. Even more so when you consider the ever-changing nature of science and technology. Like how constantly updating your design knowledge will help your designs stay fresh and unique, opening yourself up to learning something new every day is great for your spiritual and mental health.

For every problem, there is a solution.

Repeat after me: There is NO SUCH THING as an unsolvable problem.

Design thinking has overcome the most challenging of problems in the past. Millions of pages worth of data stored in a tiny chip no bigger than a button? Done. A convenient way to fasten and unfasten fabric? Hello, zipper.

If a solution doesn’t exist for your problem, it just means that one hasn’t been created yet. If so, what are you waiting for?

And for every solution, there will be a problem.

How many times have you experienced this one? You have a major breakthrough at work, only to find that your solution created another problem further ahead. While sometimes the problem that appears may not be the direct result of the solution, it always seems like there’s one more obstacle in your way than you have the energy to overcome.

The key to controlling this is to understand that this is simply nature’s love of balance working here. Don’t think of it as new problems, but instead as new questions to ponder, and new challenges to conquer, and you’ll soon realize that every problem that crops up in your path only serves to motivate you further.

You are your loudest audience.

You are your biggest fan, and you are your strongest critic. The one person who will most appreciate your achievements will be you, as will the one person who is most critical and harsh regarding your failures or mistakes. It is a natural fact of life. The reason behind this is simple: the person who pays the most attention to you, is you. Understanding this and accepting this is a vital key in improving your self-confidence and personal image.

Don’t be afraid to try new things, or to do things that seem silly. It may seem like everybody would laugh at you, but in reality, they have much better things to do than to circle around you and wait for you to fall. In fact, they may be supportive of your risks, and you may even end up inspiring them to take some risks themselves. It’s your life, and what you want to do with it is what counts.

No one key works for every lock.

Bob the Colleague finds yoga to be his outlet. Since he started going for yoga classes, you find him to be happier, calmer, healthier, and much nicer to be around. So you try it yourself. After a few awkward balancing poses and muttered swears, you arrive at the office the next day with a snappy temper and a sore side. What happened?

It may seem obvious when you look at it from a third person’s perspective, but it’s not always so clear when you’re going through the problem yourself. What works for one person may not always work for you. It’s great that you’ve tried it out, and you’ve found that it isn’t helping. Accept that, and try something else. Perhaps pole-dancing would give you the same calmness that Bob gets from yoga. Hey, it’s worth a shot, right? Which brings me to my next point.

Judgment does not come before a trial.

The courtrooms have it right: don’t judge something before you try it. Pole-dancing may seem like a bizarre thing to try, and really, if you’re a guy, you’d probably rather be the pole that be wrapped around it.

But you’re never going to find out what it can do for you unless you try it yourself. You don’t have to commit to anything yet. If you’re taking a physical class like pole-dancing or yoga, try looking for an option to try one class, or even for a one-time workshop. Thinking of studying a language? Pick up a phrase book and start pronouncing the words, and think of how it makes you feel. And while there’s no workshop or trial option for a career change, perhaps you could take a few days off and experience aspects of your new career (like being a professional shopper, or an artist).

Prepare for these one-time experiences by telling yourself that you are going to accept every experience that happens to you during this time, good or bad. You are here to try something new, and with that comes the acceptance that it doesn’t always work out.

If you can’t see, try changing glasses.

Persistence is a virtue often praised. After all, if at first you don’t succeed, you are told to try and try again. But sometimes, it just doesn’t work, and it only results in frustration, and in certain cases you could even burn out.

Try tackling the issue from a different angle. See it from another person’s point of view. You’ll begin to notice aspects of this issue that you would have never seen otherwise. Again, an open mind is vital here, because if you keep insisting that your way is right, you’re never going to learn anything new.

This idea of different perspectives can also be applied when you have an idea. Even the most analytical of us will be biased to our own ideas. Forcing yourself to look at your own ideas from an external perspective will highlight flaws and points of improvement that you would have otherwise been oblivious to.

Enjoy the journey, and you will enjoy the destination.

In Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari”, the main character asks his newly-enlightened friend regarding the final goal of this new, spiritually wholesome life. I forget the exact words the friend used to reply, but it was something like this: “If you keep one eye on the horizon, only one eye is enjoying the road.” Today, I was in a bookstore, flipping through a book on meditation, where they advise the reader to “meditate not for the benefits it can bring in the end, but for the benefits you get from each meditation.”

Both touch on the same meaning: in any journey, the destination only holds part of the value. There is real experience and value to be gained during the journey itself. And this is doubly important if you are doing something that involves long periods of effort or discipline, like getting fit or studying. It’s always good to focus on your final goal, but the truth is that most of us end up focusing on the entire stretch of road that is between us and that goal. Try instead to focus on the journey. Learn for the sake of learning. Pick up a musical instrument not because you want to wow your friends (although having that as a final goal is perfectly acceptable), but because you like the sound of the instrument, and because you want to try playing a particular piece of music. When you focus on the journey, your development and learning rate seems to accelerate rapidly, and pretty soon you’ll be amazing your friends with a world-class bongo drum performance.

Since this is an issue that I strongly relate to, I can probably go on for pages. However, I’d much rather hear your perspective (see what I did there?) about this. What are some of the things you do in your life that you think qualifies as ‘design thinking’?

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A campfire analogy would probably work best here. It takes some effort to start a campfire, but with the correct spark and a receptive bunch of kindling, you can get a good fire going. After that it’s just a matter of minor maintenance, and that fire will keep you warm without much effort on your part. Similarly, all you need to build up a long-term, consistent sense of motivation in yourself is three things.

1. The spark – do something that inspires you
2. The kindling – be open-minded about changes that happen in your life
3. The maintenance

The Spark

This is actually the easiest part of the whole thing. Doing something different, even if it’s a minor thing, opens your life up for changes that you could have never imagined. True, there are stories of people who suddenly quit their successful jobs to become artists or to work in the mountains, but don’t let that fool you; even small actions can bring big changes. Here are a few things that you can try:

1. Take a language class – ever felt like picking up Spanish? Or how about Chinese? An additional language is not only a practical and highly useful skill to have; it’s also a great way to see things from a completely different perspective. I especially like dissecting phrases and old sayings to see what life must have been like for the native speakers.
2. Dabble in the arts – Sure, you’re not going to be the next Picasso, and neither will Virgin Records bang on your door to sign a music contract, but picking up an instrument, or a paintbrush, or even a new dance move is a great way to shake the way you think up a little. And who knows? You might make a new friend along the way.
3. Spirituality and meditation – Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to preach religion here. Spirituality isn’t necessarily about God; it can also mean getting in touch with your soul. Whether the power that you want to connect to is above or inside you, or even somewhere else, taking the time to explore this side of you can often yield amazing results. It also provides a great platform for you to evaluate yourself and see if you’re who you want to be.
4. Voluntary work – this one is a no-brainer. Unless you chew puppies for breakfast, helping another person (especially someone who cannot help himself) is sure to make you feel better about yourself. And the great thing about voluntary work is that there are hundreds of ways you can do it. There’s no such thing as too many volunteers.
5. Do something different. Read a book you’d never read otherwise, listen to music that’s completely out of your genres. The idea is to try something different, and to pay attention to the difference.

The Kindling

This is where most people have trouble. Pushing yourself to do something different may be easy for some people, but the tendency to avoid and reject change is so common, it’s practically hardwired into our DNA as human beings.

Think about it: you can’t ignite stone. For inspiration to happen, you have to be open enough to accept change. It’s much easier said than done, I’ll admit. Unconsciously we balk at any changes inflicted upon our lives (job transfers, new neighbors, etc). Try this then; every time you try something different, mentally tell yourself that you are going to experience this to the fullest, because you are never going to do this again. Taking part in a play? Then give your very best, and hold nothing back, because chances are that it’s a one-time thing. You’ll find that you’re less likely to hold back, and more likely to open your mind and soul to whatever is waiting for you. And of course, the audience always loves an actor who gives his best.

The Maintenance

(Also known as The Occasional Poke.) Once you get the fire going, you’ve more or less won the battle. But even the best of fires will die if you don’t tend to them. Take some time every once in a while, like say one in two weeks. Think about yourself. Think about the motivation that you have and how it feeds into everything you do. What can you do to continue this feeling? Let’s say you get inspired by yoga. Perhaps you’ll build a stronger network of motivation by talking about your passion with other fans of yoga. You’ll also learn something new about yoga, which will definitely feed your motivation. Or perhaps you could try teaching yoga to a class. Actions based around what inspires and motivates you are your best options for continuously feeding your inner fire.

Now that you’ve got a good sense of inspiration and motivation going for you, you’ll feel like a new person. You’ll start the day brighter and bushier-tailed, and you’ll smile and laugh more often. Even during bad days, you’ll be able to face things with a smile, because you know that every day, there is something good happening in your life, and you’re becoming a better person for it.

At this point I’d like to point you to a website that you may already know, Stepcase Lifehack. If you aren’t already a regular visitor to that site, make it a point to read their articles. A large majority of the articles focus on various ways, both big and small, to improve your life. In particular, I find the articles written by Celestine Chua (who has a seven-part article series on finding your true purpose in life on her blog) to be very motivating when I need to remind myself what I’m aiming for in life. I highly suggest you give it a read.

What would you like to try to spark your motivation? If you’ve already got your fire going, what do you do to keep it going? Share it with us in the comments.

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I was recently reading a very inspiring post by Oscar at Freestyle Mind entitled ‘27 Traits of Successful People‘. I highly recommend everyone who wants to be someone (and that should be all of you reading my blog anyway :) ) to print out that list and put it in a place that you’ll see it often. Make a pop-up card on your desk, pin it up in your cubicle, or stick it on the fridge.

What really struck me in that list, and what I’d like to talk to everyone about, is No. 7.

They smile.

According to Oscar, successful people “smile often and genuinely to rise positiveness and build strong relationships” and I agree with that 100%. I’ve found that I can always get a better response from people, whether it’s faster service, a cheerier waiter, or even an uplifting conversation in the elevator up to the office, by just smiling. A smile is a way to ease anxiety, discomfort, and worry, and also to build trust.

When the mask cracks.

Let’s face it. It’s not always easy to smile. Sometimes the whole day is just out to get you. Sometimes Bob the Co-Worker takes credit for your work. Sometimes your kids greet you at the front door with complaints about who broke who’s toy. And while you can hope that the sounds coming from the washing machine is your laundry doing itself, you just know it’s little Fido the puppy ripping the paint job to bits with his claws.

So what do you do on days like those? It’s a Catch-22 situation. Things would be better, or at least look it, if you smiled, but you’re not smiling because things don’t look good in the first place. If left alone, the situation will only get spiral even worse.

So here are some quick-fixes for you to smile and make that spiral one that is positive, uplifting, and energetic.

1) See funny shapes, even in storm clouds.
Every situation has a potential for humour. Just think about all the comedies you’ve ever seen. Not all of them are about people having fun. Some people get hurt, some people get bullied, and if you’re a South Park fan, even death can be a humorous thing. Imagine yourself as a character in your favourite show. Your ridiculous deadline, your tough boss, your annoying co-worker, everything, toss it into the scene. And imagine someone watching you. Imagine that person having the time of his life watching you. Imagine him with that great big smile on his face.

You’re smiling now, aren’t you? That’s because smiling is infectious. Once you realised that you’ve made someone else smile, you’ll realise that it’s not very hard to smile about the same scenario. You’re going to have to face all of that anyway, so why not get a few giggles out of it?

2) Fake it until you make it.
Yes, it’s a popular mantra used in psychology. Patients are taught to act brave, or confident, or calm, until that act enforces a more natural counterpart. You’ve definitely felt it before. Acting jolly in front of kids boosts your spirit, while acting polite and gentle with the elderly immediately makes you feel more mild-mannered.

The exact same principle applies to smiling and being happy. While you may think it looks silly to force a smile on your face, the truth is very few people will guess that it’s fake. And once you see the effects of your fake smile, your real smile will come naturally. Bob the Annoying Co-Worker is suddenly less sure of his footing with you, making you feel more powerful. Fido’s running to sit down and nuzzle beside you instead of cowering in terror under the couch. And your kids feel so much more connected to you instead of being afraid to tell you things.

3) Sketch, sway, and sing your way.
I thank my lucky stars every time I draw that I was gifted with not only a way to express myself, but a way to make a living doing so. And as you’ll no doubt agree, not everyone is so lucky.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t call on some creative drive when you need it. I don’t need to quote studies that relate self-expression to mood, do I? Anyone who has doodled on notepads, sung at karaokes, or simply busted a few moves when no one was watching already knows the effect it has. And really, you don’t need to do it well. In fact, the worse you do it, the more fun you’ll probably have.

If you’re feeling down right now, and need a slight boost to your happiness, or you’re just looking for another reason to smile, try these tips out. You’ll find that the day gets just a little more colourful and a little brighter.

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